Three years ago my husband and I sat in front of a fertility specialist and heard her say that we had a twenty percent chance to conceive a baby naturally. We thanked her for her time and walked out of the office more than a little dazed. On the forty-five minute drive home we discussed our options and decided to give it some more time. If it happened, it happened. If not … well, we’d cross that bridge when we came to it.
Three months later we found out we were expecting, surprising everyone, including our fertility specialist, then spent the next two weeks praying we’d hear the heartbeat at the next appointment. Once we heard the heartbeat, it would be like any normal pregnancy. Long story, short we now have a happy, healthy, sassy two year old.
So when it was time to try for #2 we decided we’d once again just see what happened without fertility help and if after a year we hadn’t conceived, well … we’d cross that bridge when we came to it.
We recently came to that bridge.
After having Baby Girl I think we forgot, and by “we” I mean everyone, that it wasn’t supposed to be easy for us in the first place. I know I forgot. Every month when I knew I wasn’t pregnant my heart would sink. Then I would see Facebook friends getting pregnant and having babies and my heart would sink a little more.
So when we found out that our chances of conceiving had dropped even more during the past three years, increasing my chances of miscarriage, we decided to stop trying. And since the chance of miscarriages loomed over us, we decided contraception was in order, therefore ensuring getting pregnant again isn't likely to happen.
As much as this decision to get off the emotional roller coaster and appreciate our current life was smart, letting go of the family that would never be, wasn’t. We grieved for a moment, just a short moment, before our two year old came barreling into the room wanting “up”. We wrapped her in our arms acknowledging, for the probably the first time, just how much of a miracle she is.
We had beaten the odds. We had our miracle and as I hugged family of three my grief faded. I have my wonderful husband and fantastic baby girl and that’s all the miracle I need.
My wonderful family of three in all our cheesiness