Three years ago my husband and I sat in front of a
fertility specialist and heard her say that we had a twenty percent chance to
conceive a baby naturally. We thanked her for her time and walked out of the
office more than a little dazed. On the forty-five minute drive home we discussed our
options and decided to give it some more time. If it happened, it happened. If
not … well, we’d cross that bridge when we came to it.
Three months later we found out we were expecting, surprising everyone, including our fertility specialist, then
spent the next two weeks praying we’d hear the heartbeat at the next
appointment. Once we heard the heartbeat, it would be like any normal pregnancy. Long
story, short we now have a happy, healthy, sassy two year old.
So when it was time to try for #2 we decided we’d once again
just see what happened without fertility help and if after a year we hadn’t
conceived, well … we’d cross that bridge when we came to it.
We recently came to that bridge.
After having Baby Girl I think we forgot, and by “we” I mean
everyone, that it wasn’t supposed to be easy for us in the first place. I know
I forgot. Every month when I knew I wasn’t pregnant my heart would sink. Then I
would see Facebook friends getting pregnant and having babies and my heart
would sink a little more.
So when we found out that our chances of conceiving had
dropped even more during the past three years, increasing my chances of miscarriage, we decided to stop trying. And since the chance of miscarriages loomed
over us, we decided contraception was in order, therefore ensuring getting pregnant
again isn't likely to happen.
As much as this decision to get off the emotional roller coaster and appreciate our current life was
smart, letting go of the family that would never be, wasn’t. We grieved for a
moment, just a short moment, before our two year old came barreling into the
room wanting “up”. We wrapped her in our arms acknowledging, for the probably
the first time, just how much of a miracle she is.
We had beaten the odds. We had our miracle and as I hugged
family of three my grief faded. I have my wonderful husband and fantastic baby
girl and that’s all the miracle I need.
My wonderful family of three in all our cheesiness